So... How Do You Contact Me?

This is the part of the website where I’m supposed to impress you with a long list of ways to reach me: social networks, messenger apps, community servers, secret underground communication channels… you know, the usual.

Unfortunately, this is also the part where reality shows up, looks at my life, and starts laughing.

Step 1: Social Media (a very short story)

At first, I thought: “Easy. I’ll just put all my social media links here.”
Instagram, X (formerly Twitter, formerly a nice place), Facebook, LinkedIn, maybe even TikTok if I wanted to pretend I’m still trendy.

There was only one tiny problem: I don’t actually have social media.

No Instagram influencer life. No motivational LinkedIn posts. No carefully curated photos of coffee with deep philosophical captions. Just… nothing. A glorious digital silence. So the whole “Follow me on all the usual platforms!” section very quickly turned into “Well, that’s awkward.”

Step 2: Community & Chat Apps (plot twist: also no)

Then I thought: “Okay, never mind social media, I’ll put my Discord server, maybe a Telegram, a Slack workspace… something cool and modern.”

Spoiler: I don’t have those either.

There is no Discord server with my name on it, no Telegram channel, no Slack community. If you’re imagining a vibrant online hub full of people discussing important topics and memes in my honor… please keep imagining, because it exists only in theory.

So that whole idea also went straight into the digital trash bin, right next to my nonexistent social media presence.

Step 3: Email – the illusion of hope

At this point I tried to be practical: “Fine. I’ll just share an email address. Old school. Reliable. Professional.”

Now, technically, I do have email addresses. Several, in fact. A truly impressive collection, if owning multiple inboxes you never open counts as an achievement.

The problem is that I don’t really read them. Not consistently. Not in a way that could be described as “useful for communication.” If email was a plant, all my inboxes would be brown, dry, and emotionally neglected.

So while I could put an email here like:
you[at]example[dot]com
…the honest truth is that you might write a lovely message, pour your heart out, hit send, and then watch it vanish into the void, never to be seen again. Not exactly the friendly contact experience I’m aiming for.

Step 4: The Phone (a horror story)

Next idea: “Let’s just put my phone number. I always have my phone on me. Problem solved!”

And I do answer my phone. I really do. The issue is that my phone also rings about 20 times a day with calls from professional scammers, telemarketers, and mysterious “customer service” departments I never signed up for.

After a while, every unknown number starts to feel like a mini jump scare. You stare at the screen, wondering: “Is this a real human being who wants to talk to me, or someone who wants to sell me an extended warranty for a car I don’t own?”

So if I put my phone number here, there’s a high chance that your call will be bravely sacrificed to the great god of “I’m not answering that.”

So… now what?

At this stage, you might be wondering how anyone talks to me at all. Excellent question. I’m starting to wonder that, too.

Here’s the honest situation:

If this was a normal contact page, this is where you’d see a big shiny button saying “Contact Me Now!” with at least three different options.

Instead, you get this story – which, to be fair, is probably more honest than half the contact pages on the internet.

The (nonexistent) solution

I could pretend there’s a secret link hidden somewhere here, or a mysterious form that opens only under a full moon, but no there really isn’t.

There’s no contact form, no email link, no “click here to reach me.” Nothing. This page exists purely as a monument to my impressive inaccessibility.

So if you were hoping to contact me… I admire your optimism. Truly. But for now, you’ll just have to enjoy the peaceful silence of not doing that.

Summary: You can’t contact me. Not by phone, not by email, not by carrier pigeon. Consider this the most relaxing contact page you’ll ever visit.